I’m so excited to see everyone but I’m also nervous. I find myself asking “What are “they” going to be like at our family gathering this year?” Aunt Lisa makes rude comments and then Uncle Fred brings up that issue from forever ago that enrages her. Ugh, we all know Aunt Lisa has a bitterness problem… What am I going to do?
Have you noticed that when you ruminate on these scenarios you become physically exhausted? Maybe this is the time of year that you start getting really sick and are forced to stay home? Are you beginning to feel a scratchy throat right now as you read this?
All of these family matters have absolutely nothing to do with you but you still play out the whole scenario in your mind over and over again. How am I going to solve their problems?
Rule number one needs to start with reevaluating yourself. “But she’s going to pick a fight!” You’re right, that is probably what’s going to happen. What we predict might happen often times does happen because we base it off of our past experiences.
So how can you manage these thoughts and respond? I’m so glad you asked! Think back on your past experiences and ask yourself “when ____ happens I usually do ____.”
If you’re ready to do something different this year, here are some helpful questions to ask yourself:
● Who or what are my priorities? Does this situation involve me? Do I have any control over it? If not, then it’s not my problem to solve. Allowing others to fix their own problems helps them grow and develop as a person. Yay for growth opportunities!
● What really matters to me? What do I want to experience? Perhaps this time I need to establish personal boundaries. I already know Aunt Lisa is going to be rude, how will I respectfully respond? Are there boundaries that I’ve crossed in the past? What do I need to do?
● Are their problems mine to solve? Am I trying to solve Lisa and Fred's problem? There is no amount of effort you can put in to make things better for them. You are burning yourself out. Take a deep breath and step back. The only thing we can control or change is ourselves and the things that directly impact us.
When scenarios arise, whatever they are, the most important questions I can ask myself are:
“What are my responsibilities and how am I going to respond?”
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